The key word in this blog’s name, and the central theme all around, has been the struggle. I’m not under any illusions that this process was ever going to be, or ever will be, easy. Some people think that talking about your struggles is poor marketing, or that it might damage your “brand” but, hell what do I know? From the very beginning I had decided that I was going to on this journey with anyone who might care to join me. Ups and downs included.
So, to the point. Writing has been especially hard for me lately. It’s entirely psychological, but there it is. I haven’t been able to recapture the magic I feel I had back in November. I’ve tried, as anyone who has read this blog might know already, all sorts of carrots and sticks to spur me back to productivity, and nothing has really stuck.
I can’t be the only one who thinks about their unfinished manuscript with a sense of… contempt, almost. Not at the words themselves, but at the work required to complete the project. I’m in that stage where part of me is wondering, “Why the hell would anyone ever write a book? Why on earth did I even bother trying?”
This phase doesn’t last forever… right?
It’s a good thing I’m too stubborn to give up entirely at this point. Though, I don’t think stubborn is the right word. Self-consciousness is more accurate. The embarrassment if I don’t finish…
The Weekly Struggle
So, this week I have been struggling to reconcile a facet of my personality with potential events that could prove tremendously helpful in my writing journey, even if they might run afoul of said personality trait.
I am an introvert with social anxiety — that much is an undeniable truth. I prefer to be at home, on my couch and in my jammies, with reruns of Mythbusters playing in the background while I do my writing. I have always been this way, as long as I can remember. I have a few close friends who can pull me from my fortress of solitude on occasion, but my natural inclination to stay homebound coupled with the task of parenting three young children means that the majority of my socializing is done digitally. And I’m fine with that.
However, I’ve been starting to think quite seriously about local writing groups. I see their virtues extoled online and the reality is joining one, at this stage of my infant “career” (are you even legally allowed to use that word if you haven’t finished a MS?), a group can only be a benefit. I live in a sizable metro area and just a quick google search brought up numerous writing groups within a reasonable driving distance. One such group is prolific enough to put on a conference every year (more on that in another post entirely.
Perfect, I thought. And then the anxiety set in.
What if I get turned away because I’m only on my first draft? I find myself wondering. What if I submit for critiques and I cry in front of everyone when given negative feedback? What if I’m on the only genre fiction writer, or worse — what if they don’t even want a genre fiction writer?
And from there I go down the rabbit hole. I make excuses — this group meets on a designated non-writing day so that’s out. This one meets on nights when I have my kids, so can’t do that one. Already had plans to stay home and do nothing on that day, so I guess I’ll skip this monthly meeting.
I know the only way I’ll ever get through this mental paralysis is to, well…
But, in my experience, getting over that first hump is the hardest part.
My first opportunity to try out a group is this Friday. It’s a weekly write in at a café, which really is perfect because there’s minimal socializing required. It’s all the writing I’m already going to do, just…near other people (there’s the option to chat after the writing hour is up, of course).
I’m trying to battle past the anxiety (what if I show up and no one else is there??) and the excuses (well, my partner and I had tentative plans to play video games that night so…), because I really do think it would be beneficial to get out of the house and rub elbows with other writers.
Fellow writers, if I may ask, what has your experience been with local writing groups?
What I’m Reading This Week
I’ve had this book in my Kindle library forever, but for whatever reason I only just started it this weekend. And let me tell you, this story has an incredible hook. And that’s all I’m going to say about that. [insert wink emoji]
That’s enough babbling from me for one week. Until next time!